Sunday, December 10

Passion and Romance in Marriage: How It Goes Sour

Any marriage, no longer how long or happy, is in danger of losing the passion and romance after a time. In today’s world, we all face many daily pressures. Because of these pressures, relationships may end up on the back burner and not receive the attention they need to keep the romance and passion alive. Less attention may lead to a decrease in marital happiness. This unhappiness is unfortunate because the benefits of married life are well known. Besides love and companionship, married people report feeling less stress. Couples also say they experience less depression. Married people usually do not take part in risky behavior and live longer. They also enjoy financial benefits like two incomes, tax breaks, and lower health insurance costs.

Although the benefits are real, the American Psychological Association, reports that in the United States, almost 50% of all marriages end in divorce. The global average divorce rate is around 41%. These statistics are alarming and there are many known warning signs of possible trouble ahead in a relationship. One of the leading causes of loss of passion and romance is not having realistic expectations about married life before marriage. Also, people may use busyness as an excuse to neglect or ignore their partner. People can use a full schedule as an excuse to spend less time with their partner. Another troublesome sign is criticizing and nitpicking each other. Constant fault-finding shows disdain for the other person’s thoughts and opinions. This criticism can lead to a loss of self-respect, which is extremely damaging in a relationship. Another sign of a relationship problem is a lack of support for the other person. This lack of support may show up in either actions or words and may lead to a loss of trust between the couple. Honest and open communication about personal wants and needs is also important. If communication fails, feelings of neglect often follow.

If a couple does not address potential issues, a loss of passion and caring and even divorce may follow. A study conducted by the National Center for Biotechnology Information (NCBI) in 2013 discovered several reasons couples separate or divorce. Following is a review of the most common reasons relationships go sour.

The number one reason for divorce is lack of commitment. This loss of commitment may happen gradually or happen suddenly after a negative event, like infidelity, happens. Infidelity or affairs outside the marriage were the second most cited reason for divorce. The researcher’s report fighting, arguing, and conflict was high on the list of reasons couple’s divorce. Also, couples reported arguing was part of their overall communication issues. Marrying too young was another problem area. The average age for marriage is changing. In 2010, 20% of people 18-29 were married vs 59% of people in that age group in 1960. The median age for a first marriage changed to almost 29 years for a man and between 26 and 27 years for a woman. People who stated they married too young were around 23 years old when they married. The fifth most reported issue was financial problems. These problems added stress and tension to the relationship. Also, financial issues were often associated with other problems such as health or substance abuse issues. Financial issues were also present if people had different money styles such as savers versus spenders. The sixth most reported cause for divorce was substance abuse. Couples reported either the abuse itself or lack of dealing with problems associated with addiction led to problems. Other top reasons for divorce were domestic violence and physical or mental health problems. Other included reasons were a lack of family support and religious differences.

Even though the above information is alarming, it is possible to bring passion and love back into a relationship. Following are several essential elements to keep or bring back passion and romance in the marriage.


Feeling connected to another person is vital. Connecting to another person serves as the foundation for a solid relationship. When a couple feels connected, they can empathize with each other. Being able to put yourself in another person’s shoes increases understanding and makes a person less critical of others. Connected people can communicate and tell each other what they need to feel passionate about each other.


Publicly and privately choosing the other person is a powerful action. Showing the world that you are committed to another person demonstrates sincere love and devotion. When a couple commits to each other, they validate the importance of the other persona and the relationship in their lives. Both people feel more secure in the relationship when their partner has committed to them. When couples feel safe, they can tell each other what they want and need in the areas of romance and passion.


Respecting another person increases that person’s self-confidence. When a person knows others value them, their self-respect grows. Understanding and accepting the attitudes, feelings, and opinions of another person shows you care. This care allows both people in a relationship to grow and flourish.


Trust is critical for a romantic and passionate life together. Being mindful of behaviors that encourage trust is critical. These behaviors include being honest. This honesty keeps trust levels high. Passion and romance will not happen if the couple does not trust each other.


Intimacy does not always mean sex but knowing good sex tips for men can really help with the physical relationship. Besides physical intimacy, emotional, spiritual, and mental intimacy may be important. Intimacy also includes closeness and vulnerability. When people feel close to each other, they can let their guard down and tell each other what they need and want in the relationship. This sharing may bring passion and love back into the relationship.

There are many reasons relationships deteriorate. But there are also many ways to bring romance and passion back into a relationship. When a couple makes a sincere effort to make a marriage work, it can get better. Communicating, commitment, respect, and trust are vital. And many people believe adding romance and passion back into the relationship is well worth the effort.