Fortunately, communication when having sex does not need to seem like porn. What I mean is it could sound like it if you prefer. If dirty talk suits the two of you, excellent— but there are numerous other choices. If you feel like you aren’t communicating or connecting properly, there are various means to do it gently, so you shouldn’t get intimidated by it. I understand; it could still be difficult to begin.
Below are ways on how to have great sex through communication:
Use It As Foreplay
If you’re chatting awkwardly or feeling vulnerable during intercourse, a great way to integrate better communication is trying it beforehand — as a means to result in sex. If you begin chatting about something you have been putting your mind into, or even better, something you would want to try, you establish the groundwork before getting naked and would probably feel awkward. You could even begin using a text message.
Some individuals feel too uncomfortable discussing their fantasies, but memories — sexual stuff that’s already occurred with your lover — could seem a lot safer. If you tell them, “I liked it when we…” or “I can not stop picturing when you…”. You aren’t putting yourself out there very much because you are talking about a fact, but you’re still ensuring you are showing them what you truly want.
Focus On The Positive
Very crucial. Nobody wishes to hear, “That does not feel great.” or, worse, “What’re you doing?”. Rather, propose some other stuff that you truly like, with as many praises as you can.
Encourage Your Partner To Share
Communication goes both ways, and among the gentlest means to begin is to have somebody else lead the way. If you understand it is something they are worried about, then it isn’t fair to do, but if your lover feels more relaxed than you do chatting about or during intercourse, then inquire them for assistance with an example.
Use Your Noises
They’re all sexy: sighs, groans, moans, and so on. If you don’t want to express what you want or need, utilizing your sounds may be a very effective technique to provide positive reinforcement. It’s a technique to express yourself without making yourself feel self-conscious.
Are the sounds still too much for you? No need to be concerned; body language may be just as effective as any other kind of communication. Whatever it is, whether you’re directing their hand, rotating your hips, responding favorably to what they’re doing, or simply changing your own posture. Without speaking a word to your companion, you may be aggressive and communicative.
Just Say Yes
Of course, not to do something you do not want to do. However, just stating “Yes” or “There”—any monosyllabic word—to urge your spouse to do what you want is perfectly acceptable and will not make you feel dumb. Simply said, it’s really straightforward I once dated a man who did not feel comfortable expressing or making any sounds during sex, and I never felt confident in my abilities. By adding “Yes, there” occasionally— not a big leap for him— I finally started to get an idea of what he wanted. It made a significant impact.
Invite Your Partner to Share Their Needs
We all need a bit (OK, a lot) of pushback to talk about sex openly. You’ll have to grab the reins if you wish for the conversation to move further. Invite your spouse to confide in you their sexual desires in a kind and supportive manner. Tell them that you will not judge, reject, or find them unusual.
We recognize that this might be tough for those with trauma in their pasts to completely believe, but it’s vital to keep an open mind. When dealing with relationship or sexual trauma or abuse, it’s advisable to see a trained sex therapist before venturing into potentially upsetting areas.